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Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Every morning, I jog around my block 15 times. Then I pick the block up and put it back in my toy chest..
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
You mean.. people run? On purpose? When nobody is chasing them?
How do I tell a man he loves me?
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
That awkward moment when you sing the wrong part of a song with confidence.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
I try not to limit my madness to March.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”