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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
I saw Tom Hanks and asked for his autograph. He abbreviated it, and it just said "Thanks"
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.