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I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"
“They dared me to” is ALWAYS a valid excuse.
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
I`ll never become mature enough to not laugh out loud when the person in the stall next to me farts so loud it sounds like a volcano just erupted.
You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.