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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
There`s a time and a place for non-alcoholic beer. Never, and down the drain.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
One man’s LOL is another man’s WTF.
If you play my workday backwards, it`s actually a nice story about idiots getting less and less annoying.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.