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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
“Should I add more liquor?” is the most ridiculous question I’ve ever been asked.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
They say do what you love & the money will follow. I love doing nothing. We`ll see.