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Gym Update: Not there.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
I hear boomerangs are making a comeback.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Tony Soprano dead....Whitey Bulger on trial...coincidence??? I think not!
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now Googling how to extract a fork from bone without causing more damage.
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true!