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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
I don`t wanna be told what to do unless I`m naked
According to Debrah in HR, "Back up off my balls" is not the proper way to tell someone to wait for assistance.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I`m jealous of my parents, I`ll never have kids as cool as theirs.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?