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I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
It’s been “one of those days” for like 3 years now.
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?