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Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?