Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
It’s a good thing the fate of mankind doesn’t depend on me turning on the correct stove-top burner on my first try.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?