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Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.
I can`t believe these women are just walking around with yoga mats like a game of yoga might just break out at any moment
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.