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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
I was planning to do something today, but I haven’t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
I am going to open "The Karma Cafe" There will be no menus though. You will get what you deserve!
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".