Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I bet sex is great when I`m not the only one in the room.
I`m not fat, God gave me built in airbags because I`m so precious.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?