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Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
If anyone ever tells you your dreams are silly, remember there`s a millionaire walking around that invented the pool noodle.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.