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I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
Well that`s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I`m doing.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..