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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Warning: I just get weirder.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
I saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as "grabbing for swirling dollars inside a Plexiglas Cash Cube."
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.