Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you really want to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
I swear, its like EVERY payday I gotta spend money cause there`s a birthday party to go to, a wedding, a baby shower, a new video game, a new stripper, something. Always something...
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.