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I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Who let the owls out?? Don`t sing the chorus you`ll make it worse.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
With names like "Batman" and "Robin", you`d think they could fly...
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0
I`ve run out of things to be upset about. I hope Justin Bieber has kids soon.