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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
Does anyone have the owner’s manual for a wife? Mine’s emitting a terrible whining noise.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
I`m tough and can take whatever life throws at me ... Especially if its dipped in chocolate first.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
I love the smell of a liquor store in the morning!
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.