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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
Homes are 750 square feet larger today than they were 30 years ago. Unfortunately, so are most Americans.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`