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Vodka is just amazing water.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.