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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
I`m trying to locate a girl from high school. You know, the one who could tie a cherry stem with her tongue.
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...