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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
How does one get a nice body without moving?
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
No one understands you better than some crazy weirdos on the internet.
When we married, she treated me like a God. As time went by, the letters got reversed
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!