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Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Chinese scientists have discovered the rare rock n roll panda it will only eat A wop bop a loo lop a wop Bamboo
You being crazy doesn`t bother me. It`s you being crazier than me...That makes me freakin` jealous.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
I don`t call it lying down, I call it landscape mode.
If I were to quit my job today and become a psychic, I would advertise with a sign that reads, “Voted best psychic of 2016!"
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........