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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
People in glass houses shouldn`t masturbate during the day....
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
I`m eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it`s six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I`m still better than you.
I`ve been working on losing weight, I was doing Jenny Craig for awhile........till her husband found out (<>..<>)
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
New Life Goal: Get a job where people ask me, "You actually get paid for doing this?"
The best two kinds of beer in this world are....Cold & Free..
You might think you`re smart until you try using someone else`s microwave.
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.