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I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
I SOOOOO wanted Kim and Kayne to name their daughter Wild Wild...
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Reincarnation is my only hope.