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You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
I never thought Iād be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I`m tired of things costing money
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.