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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To get it in, you push it. Threading a needle isn`t easy.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
Walmart does not have a dildo section. But it`s always fun to ask their employees if they do.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
No. My hair magically got shorter.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.