Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Dear family, thank you for all those wonderful childhood memories ... Here`s my therapy bill.
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.
What was that idiot thinking when he invented white underwear?