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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Just bent over to pick up a beer that rolled out of the fridge and realized yoga is exhausting
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.