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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
I wouldn`t say I`m an alcoholic. I`d slur it.
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
Can you imagine the reactions 25 years ago if you showed someone a photo album of pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
I have Beer.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.