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When I die, I don`t want to go sober...
Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
I`m starting to doubt that all of the people in this singing group are called Carol.
What do the letters DNA stand for? National Dyslexics Association
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...