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It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
you know you have a kid personality when you think step brothers is the greatest movie ever.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out