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Roses are red Your thong is pink Cover that up You`re not as hot as you think.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
My 6yo`s homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep, that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
As i get older i realize I do a LOT more YOGA...attempting to tie my shoelaces
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.