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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God or man has rested.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.