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That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?