Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I saw a fat kid sitting on a seesaw all by himself. I stopped and waited for another kid to fall from the sky. I left disappointed.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
I`m always surprised when heavily tattooed couples have a baby and it comes out blank
I hate when I text a girl "I love you" and she`s like "no you don`t." Like bitch, I just fapped to your profile picture, I think I`d know.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
Sir, your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."