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I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
When the cashier asks "How`s your day going?" I reply "I`m buying 3 bottles of wine, it`s clearly only getting better."
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
I don`t normally poop with the door open, but I don`t want to miss the in flight movie
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.