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There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.