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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
I drink because people talk.
Sometimes I feel like I get less attention than a white crayon.
The word bed looks like a bed.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.