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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I was ugly, I`d be broke as hell because I`m a sexy beast!!
Well, I’m bored again. Time to open the fridge
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.