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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.