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My wife didn`t appreciate me pointing out that my alcoholism began around the time that we first started dating.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I used to think I was overreacting. Now I realize it was a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of bullsh!t.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)