Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Today has me seriously evaluating my policy of not drinking on the job.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you