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If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
Does "Can I take your order?" sometimes mean "Let`s start a new life together" or am I reading too much into this?
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Sometimes I have to go outside to get signal on my phone for Facebook so yes, you could describe me as "outdoorsy."
Someone smells like cigarettes and bad decisions.......Oh it`s me? Sorry about that.