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I got kicked out of the pool today ... apperently the breaststroke isn`t what I thought it was.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Being ‘clean and sober’ means I’ve showered and I’m headed to the liquor store.