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My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
Want someone to stop texting you? Sleep with them.
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again