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The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn`t punch them in the head as soon as they got here.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
Life Tip: Hang out with people who make you forget to look at your phone.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I need a six month vacation Twice a year.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.