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What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
Male or female, no one f*cks with you if you put your lipstick on like The Joker.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
You`re one of a kind! Thank goodness...