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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Health experts recommend a 1500 calorie diet. For those of you not good with math... that’s a 12-pack of 125 calorie beers. You`re welcome!!! ;)
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
I knew we were gonna be friends when you ran into that wall.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
The fact “gorilla” does not rhyme with “tortilla” infuriates me.