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Monica & Chandler’s twins would be 9 this year, Pheobe’s triplets 14, Ben 18, and Emma 11. Let’s just take a moment to let that sink in.
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Guys are excellent cooks. With two eggs, a sausage, & a little bit of milk...they can keep a girl`s stomach full for 9 months.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I was really pissed at my girlfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered she`s imaginary. So I`m good.
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!