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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
Divorce... The most common home improvement project.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”