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If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
The trouble with living alone is that it`s always my turn to do dishes.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.