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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
You can`t always control who walks in to your life but you can control which window to throw them out.
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
The awkward moment when people think you`re drunk when in fact you`re just a blast naturally.
I`m switching to Metric. I would weigh a lot less on the Metric scale.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...