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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.
Who ever says "words can`t hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.