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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.