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What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
Haiku`s confuse me / Too often they make no sense / Hand me the pliers
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.