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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
It would be cool if you heard a thunder bug a few seconds after you saw a lightning bug.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
I love how television has redefined the word `marathon` to the exact opposite of physical exercise
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.