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You wouldn`t believe all the cool stuff I find when I`m under my bed playing.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
What`s the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller" ?
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
your status deserves a standing ovation but I`m lazy I`ll just click `like`
i only drink on days that end with y
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"