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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
Pizza: nah, Sex: eh, Drinking: no thanks, It`s so hard thinking of what to give up for Lent...
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
When a girl says she wants you to splurge on her, calm down, it`s not what you think...
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it