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Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.
Having a pen!s is like having a friend that always wants to play.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!